The best week of my life…!!!

•January 26, 2009 • 2 Comments

Surrender yourself to God and you ll get everything you deserve…!!

Well you might be wondering why have I quoted this, and whats all about my best week. No I’ve not been to any religious or spiritual retreat. I’ve been to Christian Counselling Centre[CCC]- Institute for Human Relations, Counselling and Psychotherapy at Vellore for a six days residential course on professional psychological counselling and psychotherapy. It was like a dream come true being guided by and listening to Dr. B. J Prashantam, Dr. Meena Prashantam, Sr. Prisca and all the assistant staff of CCC, Rateesh Sir, David Sir, Jyoti and Shilpi.

21 of my classmates including four faculty members and me boarded the Venkatadri Express from Kacheguda station on 17 of Jan at 8 pm. Eventually one of my classmate, Sukumar missed the train and I was actually going to get a stroke since I was coordinating most part of the trip. [As claimed by my friends and faculty I was the finance minister 😉 ] I actually thought I’ll have to do a DDLJ scene of holding his hand and getting him in as he’s always late for classes and this was discussed earlier in class. hehe..!! Anyway our journey till Chittor was really good and we had to take auto and bus to reach Vellore which is an hour away from Chittor.

We were welcomed by CCC staff and given our rooms, separate wing for boys and girls. It was a sunday so we dint start with the classes straight away. Instead we settled our selves in our new rooms,met the faculty there and were in a process of forming cognitive maps of the way to dining hall from our room, the Chapel etc etc. Cresentia[my best friend], Anu and me were in one room. There were 4 rooms in our corridor and we lived as a community for the whole week. It was a complete different experience being in hostel as it was my first time. Sharing a room with my friends and my other friends who became our neighbours. Well I’m not going to give you a detailed report of each day as it’ll get boring for you unless you actually exprerience it.

CCC was started as an institution of human relations, counselling and psychotherapy located in Sainathapuram, Vellore. Its present director Dr.B.J.Prashantam took charge of the center at 23 years of age. He is the best Counselling Psychologist I’ve ever met and I know my friends will agree with this. He’s like a father figure and makes each one of us feel so special, whether we are 21 or 210 in number. The other faculty members of CCC are no less and have been very supportive to our needs during our short stay. Especially  Ms. Shilpi and Ms. Jyoti. There are 3 buildings in the Campus all surrounded by trees and plants and even we’ve planted two saplings as a token of our love and Birthday gift for Dr.Meena. The administrative building is 240 years old and its significance is that the world famous Christian Medical College[CMC] was started in a small room in that building as a small dispensary! Our hostel rooms were too good and we had a fixed schedule of breakfast @ 7.45 am, tea break @ 10.30 am, lunch @12.30 pm, tea break @ 4.30 pm and dinner @ 7.30 pm. The food was awesome and just like home, thanks to the cook uncles and Ms.Stela. We actualluy used to get up at 5 or 5.30 am which I never did in my entire life, and it so happened one day that 3 of us got up at 4 am to take bath, got ready did our prayers and slept again, and before sleeping again I stuck a paper on our door with the statement ‘3 of us have taken our bath,kindly do not dirturb us. We ll be up by 7am’ .  I managed to do so by using candle wax. hehe! The best part of each day was the prayers at 8.30 in the beautiful College Chapel located in hostel building and we got the opportunity of conducting them till our stay. I sang a bhajan too one day which was admired by everyone. We washed our own clothes our own plates,spoons and cups which was completely different from home, and i loved my hostel life thoroughly. Since we were free on sunday,that was our first day we visited the Vellore fort and Jalakanteshwar temple located inside the fort which was awesome and very peaceful. Next we went to Asia s largest Church “Our Lady Of Assumption”  located a few kilometers from our campus. It’s a mesmerising Church, truly beautiful and peacful decored with all glass painting. I was awe by its beauty and completely in love with God more. We returned to our campus played all the possible outdoor games like help me game, out out, run run stop, ringa ringa roses etc etc. hehe! We were in our beds by 11 or 12 after our night prayers looking forward to the coming days. Next day the classes started at 9am continuing till 9.30 in evening with regular breaks. The next six days we had sessions on Counselling skills, Burnout, Counselling the alcoholics and drug addicts, self esteem, Resolving interpersonal conflicts, open sessions, positive psychology. All the sessions were interactive and it was a wonderful learning experience being taught by Dr.Prashantam, Dr.Meena and Sr.Prisca. We had a guest lecture by Dr.Rao who was the Head Of Dept at CMC Oncology Dept. We had a field visit to Dept. of Psychiatry of CMC and we were taken on a walk to remember of the hospital by Dr.Jacob.k.John. We saw the patient wards which are like mini apartments in mini colonies serving all stratas of society be it low economic,medium or high. The patients are allowed to live with their family members, who take care of them and cook for them in the kitchen present in their ward.Its a beautiful place with all greenary around, and some plants are taken care by each patient as their own baby. The doctors are well experience serving the needy since its inception. The most soothing part of the hospital was the mini open Chapel where we introduced ourselves to the Doctor.  The hospital provides its services for patients suffering by any disorder requiring  psychiatric help. They have well experienced Psychiatrists, counsellors, nurses for all patients of any age, from infants to oldage. Then after thanking Dr.Jacob we were taken to the auditorium, a very beautiful Chapel, where many of us intend to marry😉 and the place where Dr.Ida Scudder [Foundress of CMC] lived. The hospital campus is amazing with huge trees, ancient British buildings, various medical depts., Doctors’ quarters etc etc. We returned to CCC after the small trip and continued with our classes. That day we students participated in sessions by presenting topics of Health psychology like Cancer,HIV,Diabetes and positive psychology. We were divided in to 4 groups, comprising of 4 members each. Our group[Me,Anila,Vaishali and Sumana] presented on Cancer focussing on the emerging field of psycho-oncologyn and pathways to health through psychology. It was a great learning experience and all of us became more close as anytime any of our friend lost his/her confidence we became their confidant and it was our day!!

Friday we planned to visit the Kanchi temples, and the newly contructed Padmavathi Golden Temple in Vellore. Kanchi temples reminded me of ancient Dravidian culture, The Ekambareshwar Temple, The Kamakshidevi Temple and The Balaji Temple with Golden lizard were spectacular to see. It so happened that when my friend Divya was touching the golden lizard on the ceiling I started singing Balli balli like the telugu song bunny bunny [Balli in telugu means lizard]. She was so distracted by my singing  that she actually started thinking about the actor in that song – Allu Arjun instead of God. hehe.! But as I got Lizard phobia big time, I was shivering while touching the gold and silver lizard which is supposed to wash away all our sins so that we can start a new account of sins😀 The only thing I didn’t like was in all these 3 temple there was a board with ‘Non-Hindus not allowed’ written on it. I seriously lost my temper and wanted to revolt against it. Have you ever seen such mannerism anywhere in India in any temple? I have not and was shocked to read it. When we can go to any Church or Dargha for prayers why cant Non-Hindus come to see the beauty of Gods. After all God is one. See how we in the name of religion dividing our country even more.  Even my other friends were of the same opinion as mine. Anyway I learnt one thing if you want to change the world change yourself first. I’m not going to discriminate and everyone around me know that I worship Lord Shiva,Jesus and Allah everyday. And I’m going to inculcate the same in my children and grand children as well. Then we proceeded towards the Golden Temple. And if I need to describe it in one word, its WOW!! No one in their lives must have seen a manmade beauty of this form. The temple is made up of 1.2 tons of gold. First we were made to sit in a compartment after the security check and once it was full the gates were opened. We then had to walk on a star shaped path surrounded by grass and beautiful proverbs written on boards in the garden. The view from there was truly amazing as Vellore city is surrounded by mountains and in the midst of it the Temple, wow. We walked on a star shaped path amidst the garden then a circle then what you get to see is out of this world. Its as if we were going to visit God in heaven. The beautiful Golden temple was shining as it was dusk and water around it was shining in the sunset light. The Padmavathi Godess’s Idol was mesmerising as you get lost in her charm. For all the people reading this blog if you wanna experience Swarg this Temple is a must visit. It’ll take time walking as you cant help stopping to take a look of the nature around but once u reach inside the temple the vibrations of the bell change you as a person completely. It so happened that we dint wanted to leave the place and sit there forever. But nothing stays in forever so we had to leave from the temple😦 . We are not allowed to take cameras or mobiles inside the temple and girls are supposed to wear traditional salwar kurta or chudidar or saree.

One day we had a sing song session where Divya gave the welcome speech. We danced on Desi girl choreographed by us in one hour and it turned out to be a huge hit. I gave a solo performance on Taal remix which was appreciated by everyone. Bona sang a very beautiful prayer song and a konkani song. We had a song by Father Lalit, Father George and my classmate Sukumar who sang and played guitar, and tabla. Cres was our host and she organised the sing song perfectly. We played a bing bang bong game and it was a great fun. The best part of the evening were comedy  advertisements enacted by our seniors there and we couldn’t stop laughing🙂 We all then gathered around Dr. Prashantam and he played songs from 60’s, 70’s and 80’s on the keyboard and we joined him in singing. It was the best ending of any day in my life.

One night we also danced in our room where all our neighbours[friends] joined us. We did all forms of dance from hip hop to jive to teen maar to folk  to pole dance to salsa to disco and what not till we got a warning from the people living on ground floor that its disturbing them hehe! We had hell lot of fun and life time learning experience living as a community and clicking lot of pictures😉 One day when Mrudula and me were walking at 9.30 in the campus we saw an Owl and were so excited as the trees there are a home for many birds like crows,  koels, owls and even mosquitos. There are gauva,tamarind,coconut,neem and many more trees all looked after with lot of care. Everyday the crows used to have a chit chat with each other and we used to figure out what they actually talking. hehe! And it so happened one day that i actually shouted loudly ohh please shut up on the crows, bird lovers please dont sue me. It was fun as we disturbed each other while they were catching up on some good sleep in their rooms, taking early morning baths as we hated to wait in que for our chance, rushing for classes as we were expected to be punctual unlike in OU and I was given the responsibilty of making everyone to be on time to classes by Shilpi [This is the worst part of being a Class Rep as everyone used to take me lite] :P . I was claimed Insomnic by everyone, including myself as i hardly used to sleep at night. It so happened one night that I even drank a sip of Benadryl to catch up on some sleep but it was of no help. Cres even warned me not to, but I hardly listen to her😐. Simi was our darling providing us with chocolates everyday which were gifted by her friend while coming to Vellore. Amtul was a sweetheart entertaining us with all her stupid tac-tics, she even learned dance in such a short span, God bless her! Vaishali the nightangle of our class, and everyday we wasted Anu’s mobile battery by listening to music at night. Eventually our departure day arrived on 24th and we all didn’t wanted to go home.😦

 Well this was my experience in CCC in a nut shell and I truly mean it when I say it was the best week in my entire life till date and I’m never ever gonna forget it. It was a life time learning experience and at the end of the week I not only gained more knowledge about my subject, but I learned to be more disciplined, patient, punctual, enhanced my leadership qualities, independent and to be a more honest person to self as well as to others around. In all these days I got more close to God by not only praying to My God Shivji but also reading versus from Bible with my friends and learnt to be a true NEHA! Dr. Prashantam inspired me to be more dedicated in whatever I do and be a simple and genuine person, respecting self as well as others. The very first line of this blog post shows the change in me and my faith in God. One more thing I learned is don’t pray for your wishes to be fulfilled, God will give you what is correct for you. As you never know what horrible thing would have happened if your wishes were fulfilled. Very truy atleast thats what I believe.  At the end of the course I got more close not only to myself but to all my friends too especially Cres, who is my bestest friend ever [ though she laughs when I cry and it does annoy me, but its ok she’s still my confidant and my twin soul]. I didn’t wanted to come back home, had tears in my eyes but with more confidence and motivation in my eyes i returned with loads of memories. As we need to say good bye to things in the hope of meeting again. And yes thats what I’m gonna do I’m going to go back there to study further and learn more from my inspiration. I’m gonna miss each and every moment spent at Vellore with all my wonderful friends around, actually I’m missing everyone right now while writing this blog. Last but not the least the only thing I’ll say is if you wanna pursue your dreams be true to yourself, love yourself no matter if people around you consider you as an ugly person to look at, what really matters is how good you are from heart, motivate yourself at every step, work hard and believe in God. God bless each and everyone of us!


60 hours or 60 years of terror!!!???

•December 3, 2008 • 4 Comments

Much has been said and much has been done about the terrorism and its consequenses. But i just wanna ask is it 60 hours or 60 years of terror in India??? I was so agitated with all the things happening in all the recent months , the toll goes to years and always blamed the so called terrorists for each and everything. But after seeing the recent blasts almost in every city of India and the more recently Mumbai attacks i surely blame the so called karta dharta or in simple terms our pujya Govt. and following them the Intelligence for all the terror manifested in some new form everyday. Terrorists do not belong to religion and recently I learnt through media ofcourse that one terrorist who was caught clearly stated its for money he had done all this. Yes money is important and he has done it for a living, but what about our Govt who are eating up so much of money yet doing nothing. Resignations, statements etc etc wont work netaji, you have to change yourself, your party, your Govt. This has never happened and will never happen. The 60 years of terror has been going on and will remain always. One more thing where was Mr.Maharashtra- Raj thackerey when all these attacks were taking place in Mumbai, where were his chumches who want to knock out all the North Indians out from Maharashtra. Don’t they still realise all the brave men who fought till their last breath and still securing people were/are from other states of India, from gujrat, from bengaluru, from punjab and where not. I feel the whole democratic system has to be blamed. Why cant there be Presidential or Army rule in India too. One man One army. But anyway I wish i could do something apart from expressing my agitation over here. The kerala CM, V.S. Achuthanandan removing his agitation on Major. Sandeep’s father saying ‘ if it wasn’t for Sandeep even dog would not had gone to his place’. Rubbish We should say this for you Mr.CM that if it wasn’t for people like us even dog would not have voted you. Home minister resigned, what does he wanna prove that he cares for his Janta, if he would have, why didn’t he resign long back. Badi der ki janaab jaane mein. And what great help that would provide Mr. Patil, your other twin bro[in deeds]will save the country?? I only wish and pray that Chidambaram learns a lesson and work on it instead of saying like R.R.Patil such small things keep happening in cities like Mumbai.

People lost their lives in hope- Indians and our foreign guests, I even mourn for those terrorists though they’ve spread a hell lot of havoc killing innumerable people. I just dont understand why dont they attack the Parliament and kill those two legged animals ooops our relaxed politicians. They ll have hundreds of people securing them even at their single move, yahan aam aadmi aur desh ke rakhwale[ the police and army] chahe marte rahe. A piece of advice for LeT and other groups just kill these politicians we dont mind.

I even wanted to speak about the media- the news channels. Its high time they realise that these terrorists carry satelite phones along with them and showing each and every move of the commandos can actually guide them to plan out the next move carefully. Atleast one television channel openly bragged about the special information it had obtained from members of the forces brought in for the rescue operations, some provided detailed descriptions of the ongoing anti-terror operations, down to details such as which rooms and which floors of specific hotels the NSG commandos would enter. They kept showing the areas identified as ‘terror-spots’ or areas where the militants were suspected to be hiding.  and everytime there was some movement on the part of the commandos or even the police outside the newspersons would be rushing to train their cameras on such movements and speculations on what it was for. We can only guess how much help this would have provided to the miltants as they were in constant touch with their supervisors back home through these phones. But prolonged nature of the operations in all the three locations suggests that such media hyperactivity certainly could not have helped the brave men who were risking their lives in a very complex and difficult operations against deadly enemies. They kept on questioning the police, the hostages rescued who were still in trauma, how was it being inside etc etc. Dont they realise these people have been psychologically impaired, can suffer through transient disorders,PTSD etc[ok now am not being psychological here though i love my subject utterly] and media just kept haunting them even more. Unfortunately, none of us recognised any problems with the media’s own behaviour, or acknowledged that there was any need to change.

These any many points kept cropping up in my mind. Innumerable questions, issues, situations, terror and most importantly these Govt people who could not unite even at this moment of despair, all these have to be dealt with, still unanswered. As a citizen I wish i could do something apart from writing a blog and expressing my anger. Yes perhaps I can do, be sensible enough to vote the right people, Salute the Brave police, army and NSG men who are the real heroes[forget SRk,Akshay or whomsoever you preach], be at peace, spread peace, bring awareness among people through blogs and ofcourse through my talks, pray for the souls of the dead to rest in peace, pray to God to bring back the peace and harmony, and just keep praying. And if you land up meeting any militant just advice them to shoot up politicians[some] and not the unarmed innocent people and the Brave men protecting them.

Women’s worst fear!!!

•September 30, 2008 • 8 Comments

Molestation, rape, sexual assault…the moment we hear these terms they leave us with goose bumps expecially in case of women. Imagine girls of age 2 or even 1 and ofcourse of every age being molestated or raped now and then by men. Now am not going to give you the definition of rape as everyone is aware of here to bring some insights into the topic which leave me scared atleast..and trust me its taken a lot of guts for me to actually write about this heinous crime. Actually its not crime its something more than a crime. Its killing a person psychologically and ofcourse physically.

What do you think..Is rape motivated by sex or aggression drive or need for power ??? well according to research its sometimes intense sexual desires among people and some feminist scholors have challenged this view, arguing instead that rape is motivated by the need to dominate, to assert power and to humiliate the victim rather than by sexual desire for her.  Some rapists even suffer from severe psychological disorders like paraphilias [A condition in which a person derives pleasure from bizarre sexual fetishes.], some are psychopathic deviants[one who shows anti social tendencies] and some also show severe distortions of thoughts. Some are even alcoholics, substance abused and some are even psychopathic killers who kill the person after raping or kill and then rape!!!

There can be stranger rape-a rape in which the victim does not know the offender and is likely to experience strong fear of physical harm and death. In acquaintance rape– the reaction is apt to be slightly different, the victim may feel not only dear but also betrayal by someone she had trusted. kinds of rapes like date rapes etc , you can find a lot of information about it on wikipedia or related sites.

What i actually wanna write about it is the effects of molestaion on a girl. Small kids dont even know what is sexual intercourse when they face this and if you guys thinking its more prevalent in economically backward society then you are wrong, it exists even in high society. Well my love for Freud will not leave me here too..hehehe..according to Freud’s psychoanalysis if children are being sexually abused at these psychosexual stages, it triggers their already present sexual desires and they might be fixated[arrested development]  at any particular age. They may show anti social tendencies later in life or may even develop low self esteem and hate their body. The victim might develop dissociative disorder [a state in which individual manifests two or more personalities and each personality system is unique,stable and has a well deveoped emotional thought process unaware of the other personality.] or in simple terms multiple personality as she might use several defense mechanisms to supress these eventThis reminds me of a novel by Sidney Sheldon- “Tell me your dreams” in which the victim was being molested by her father in childhood and due to repression of these events, her thoughts manifested into multiple personality and her hatred towards men!

I have actually witnessed many girls who were molested by their close relatives like uncles or for that sake even brothers!!! and trust me the psychological scar it leaves on them is more than any physical injury, especially when they are into a relationship with other guy.  They blame themselves for the tragedy which may lead to learnt helplessness, guilt feelings, low self esteem, post traumatic stress disorders. They may show defective parenting skills, cognitive disabilities, may tend to develop psychoneurotic disorders like depression, anxiety, disturbed concentration, get involved into substance abuse, intimacy problems, agressiveness, anti social behaviour, may allow their partners to dominate them and which leads to further victimization in sexual relationships.  Phobias often develop immediately following rape, including fear of the indoors- claustrophobia or outdoors-agoraphobia[depending on where the rape took place], fear of being alone- monophobia, fear of crowds-ocholophobia, fear of being followed and ofcourse sexual fears. I named only few problems they may face but they are innumerable. A previously well-adjusted woman usually will regain her prior equilibrium, but rape can precipitate severe pathpology in a woman with psychological difficulties. Victims’ perception as to whether they can control the future circumstances influenced the recovery process. Several hindi movies like Damini, Raja ki ayegi baraat were made on rape cases. I really liked Rani Mukherjee’s role in the latter and the confident with which she fights the case. It’s a lesson for everyone.

And hey in case of child abuse do you think only girls are victims, no even young boys may face this either by men or by women too..!!! children are vulnerable to such crimes. We see every now and then in news so many cases of children being raped by their teachers in schools, by their fathers, by some young boys etc etc, its not new to us!

Many cases are not reported due to family pressure, fear of the rapists and even due to social barriers especially in case of child abuse. But my request to all of you is if see or face such crimes report it. And try to bring back the victim to normalcy, though its difficult but not impossible. And treat everyone as angels dont abuse them in any way as it is not less than killing the person. And I feel culprits should not languish in prisons instead hanged to death and by doing so we give them peace. In a society dominated by men and men ego its difficult to completely eradicate this social crime but if made an effort nothing is impossible. Dont look for some case that has occurred in some part of the world. Start with your own neighbourhood. Why neighbourhood start from your own home. Dont force your partners into sexual intercourse even that is rape, date your girl but control your sexual urges, dont molest your child or sister or a cousin. I have seen a case where a girl was raped by her father and died of AIDS later. She led a life of a zombie for about 5 years, such a beautiful girl victim of her own FATHER!!! Yes this happened in my neighbourhood. Damage was already done, what i could do was just bring back her good chilhood memories by being a friend. Thats all they need..pervention is better than cure ofcourse but be a good human and control your negative impulses. Even simple molestation like trying to kiss may be hazardous. Girls go to other cities for higher studies live with their relatives or in hostels and to their much depair may get molested by a relative or the hostel warden or so called boy friend. Be safe girls, be bold and dont let these assualters do this to you. Fight for yourselves. This is the worst fear of my life, am not scared of death but being molested is something which leaves you anxious for life.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word!!!!

•August 14, 2008 • 5 Comments

Have you ever hurt someone so badly and never had the courage to apologise??? have you ever felt guily for your mistake and could not say sorry!!! do it before its too late!!!

well its common that some people say sorry very easily…and some cannot utter a simple word SORRY for something which was their mistake!!! apologising is not something which comes very easily to us…we indulge into all kinds of non sense arguments and get pursuaded by every other thing than accepting your mistake…but face the facts…sometimes saying ‘I am sorry’ can really help.

Psychologically if you explain…its our super ego dominating and being moralistic..and not accepting the reality due to high positive self regard..its when our conscious does not accept the damage we’ve done to someone important and try to supress it…but deep down we are not comfortable with ourselves though we pretend to..and the guilt feeling keep pricking us..!!!

Therefore if you have hurt someone or know that you have angered someone it is good if you accept it and put aside all your pride and apologise for what you have done!! we all make mistakes..sometimes they are minute..and sometimes severe..but best is to acknowledge them and be sorry..and move ahead with your life.

there s a saying we often hurt whome we love..i dont agree..have you not shown your dominance on a road side beggar..why beggar your own house maid..and have hurt them deeply through your words…ok now if you cant say them good to them from next time..thats the least expected out of you right..!!

when it comes to family…the present Generation we keep hearing dont respect their we as the Gen it really true…i say is…i have seen young kids..who have just started college..talking rudely to their parents..but guys remember parents or in general elders are the one s because of which we are in this world today!!! Sibling rivalry…hah..very common..even i fight with my brother..infact fight is not the right word…we wrestle like cats and dogs😀 but its k i feel..unless its not killing you😛 jokes apart on serious note…there are times when you really hurt them…so keep put your dominance and pride of being elder on a hold and say SORRY..I just tell him…’I need you ya..atleast to fight’😉 it really makes a difference..!!!

however this does not mean that you lose your own temper..if someone has done something to make you angry..then its important to let them know how and in what way they have angered or hurt you..and ya you have to do this without putting that person down or being unkind!!!

FRIENDS…dont you think we hurt them the most…by saying something we should not have..or by breaking their trust…yeah we do..actually its equal everywhere…we hurt our parents breaking their trust..and as said before..put aside your ego..if that friend really means a lot to you..and be sorry for your mistake..if you dont like that person but have hurt him/her…apologise…cause this is the best way to win hearts!!! i have often seen people getting hurt when they were in so called LOVE…bf/gf dumping them..using them..mistrusting them…but expect them to be just friend atleast as they respect them a lot but dont love…how can a person accept someone they love just as a friend..and not just that..they know that this is the person who have hurt them the most but not being SORRY…so guys and gals on the other side..APOLOGISE…coz thats the best way to say u care…and are being guilty for the damage done..dont bother if that person does not forgive you..but you have let your heart free from burden right and have made them aware atleast in a small way that you are guilty??

Apologising is always the right thing to makes you feel much better..even though things may never be the same again!!! Refusing to apologise is not a sign of strenght per se..but a sign of weakness..look at this way, one who refuses to say they’re sorry is doing so our of fear as to whether they ll be accepted again…but one who admits he or she was wrong and asks for forgiveness is acting out of courage..!!

so remember guys…if you have really hurt someone..its the right time now..acknowledge it and be sorry..dont know if the other person will forgive depends on him/her..but you ll be at utter peace..and what ever you you reap..may be you ll be forgiven in some other way by god..apply your own strategy to be sorry..confess your thoughts,gift flowers or anything they like…or even sing a song..thats upto you..but dont make this hardest word so hard to reveal🙂 There is no harm in being sorry if you have done the mistake…be it one percent too..!! and yeah..before everything..apologise God for hurting someone…the task will become easy for sure🙂 so waiting for whom…make a list as to how many people you have hurt…and apolpgise this will increase your self regard and shall improve your relationships for a good person in your eyes that what really matters..respect ll start respecting yourself🙂

hold on its not yet song that really touches my heart for being sorry and apologising is ‘THE REASON’ by Hoobastank….if that person really means someone important to you..or was someone important…try might melt them..cause it does melt me😉 i can just provide you the lyrics..learning the song is up to you😀

Am not a perfect person, there’s many things I wish I didn’t do..

But I continue learning; I never meant to do those things to you..

And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know..

I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be..

A reason to start over new… and the reason is YOU!!!


Am sorry that I hurt you, its something I must live with everyday..

And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away..

And be the one who catches all your tears..

That’s why I need you to hear..

 I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be..

A reason to start over new… and the reason is YOU!!!


Am not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you..

And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know..

I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be..

A reason to start over new… and the reason is YOU….

I’ve found a reason to show, a side of me you didn’t know

A reason for all that I do…and the reason is YOU!!!!!

Beauty, brains, love or friendship…what really matters!!??

•August 11, 2008 • 8 Comments

One more topic that really eats my brains in..RELATIONSHIPS…what really matters to u when u look for a life partner…well in majority of cases i ve seen guys seek for beauty..and girls seek for true love..

ok first lets talk about external beauty..the fact that i hate it is..when guys looking for their better half..1st thing they see is..BEAUTY..come on it all that really matters to u??? how many days will that beauty remain??? at the end what really matters according to me atleast that person is with u..good heart..compatibility……and ofcourse love are the most important ingredients of any relationship…u cannot love a person just because he/she is not beautiful right??? few days back i heard a guy saying to a girl whom he promised to be together that am balancing between ur beauty and heart..what the he looking for a barbie doll or a girl who ll stick by his side no matter what..and things like when we ll be together people should not say look the guy is so handsome and the girl is ok..rubbish..accept the person way he/she is..not for the beauty that god gave her/him..look at the heart she s been gifted with..and ya this is not only for guys..girls too..i get sick when girls throw attitude for being beautiful..i mean how can they be proud of something that god gave proud of something which u ve achieved on ur own guys..not what u got readily..and ya….dont lose ur confidence just because someone has told u that u r not beautiful..every1 s got something unique in them..and being beautiful is not just the end of life..u ve got a beautiful heart that has to be treasured always..cause people who really know u love u for that..not for ur EXTERNAL BEAUTY..and if some one is judging u on ur external beauty..that person has never understood u…!!!

BRAINS..ofcourse a bit of common sense is important :P…but judging a person on the basis of his marks at college…huh…if a person does not score good at a failure at studies..and is not intelligent..n blah he really a failure in life???is it what matters to u??? does the love for that person ever matter??? the love he/she bestows upon u..makes u feel so special..and just leaving a person cause he/she s not being dumb!!! if she/he s not intelligent..u be the one..atleast that person is good at something..which u r not😛

FRIENDSHIP…ahhhh the most beautiful relationship i have ever experienced…if its pure nothing in the world can separate the two friends..and its not like the two people involved should always be same in their cognitions..even differences complement each other🙂..some one truly said that friends are the one who ll stick to your side..when the whole world turn their backs at u…be it with any1..a small kid…an elderly grand pa..or ur college mate or a sibling..treasure them..till u die..cause if u really feel God..u sense him first in ur family..then friends..never let any misunderstanding crop up..if there is also..clear straight forward when u among your friends..cause the more u ll hide..the more u ll suffer and carry that burden in ur heart throughout…!!! this is dedicated to all my friends..who have stuck to my side throughout..cause they are the one holding my bad times..and partying with me in my good times😀 i really thank God for them!!!

LOVE…at the end..what really matters is love…be it for ur parents,friends,siblings,grand ma, grand pa..uncle aunty..or even ur pet…and ofcourse for that someone truly..not because you want the other person to love u..that becomes give and take..but always remember the more u give..the more u ll get…live life to the fullest and keep loving…

and please please its my sincere request to every1..dont go with external beauty..that may deceive…dont go with intelligence..that may leave u..on the whole dont be prejudiced..go with what ur heart says..never leave true friends..cause there may be very few who truly and eternally accept u for being their s ..and do not judge u on your external beauty or how good u r at certain work per se..and not make false promises to any1..cause u might hurt that person for his/her whole life….and this is for people who think that they are not beautiful externally..chill..the person who have made u realise that ur  not beautiful..and that ur heart does not matter the one who never understood u..or never valued u..may be u were stuck to a wrong person…the person who ll accept u..will accept u for ur simplicity and the person u r…and not because he/she is worried about his social image of not getting a beautiful partner😛

so guys just be yourself..and never change for the world..cause god has gifted you with something..which others dont have😀..

Is it really their fault!!??

•August 10, 2008 • 4 Comments

Now being a student of psychology..everyone knows that i love to boast about my subject😀..hehehe..but on a serious note..this is one major step in my life that has changed me completely..and am glad i ve made the decision of taking up psychology as my career..which i ll never regret..and truly thank god for being with me throughout and my family ofcourse!!!

Being a part of psychology one topic that has really attracted me is criminal psychologyand why do people really commit it their fault..or their surroundings…is it genetic, harmonal, biological or cultural conditioning????

“It was an urge. … A strong urge, and the longer I let it go the stronger it got, to where I was taking risks to go out and kill people — risks that normally, according to my little rules of operation, I wouldn’t take because they could lead to arrest.”  – Edmund Kemper

We all experience rage and inappropriate sexual instincts, yet we have some sort of internal cage that keeps our inner monsters locked up. Call it morality or social programming; these internal blockades have long since been trampled down in the psychopathic killer. Not only have they let loose the monster within, they are virtual slaves to its beastly appetites. What sets them apart?

Now is it really their fault that led them to commit a crime..they blame it on several other things like..not actually blame but give excuses for their wierd behaviour… Some blamed their upbringing; others say that they were born with a “part” of them missing. many claimed pornography made him do it. Herbert Mullin, Santa Cruz killer of thirteen, blamed the voices in his head that tosing the die song..The ruthless Carl Panzram swore that prison turned him into a monster, while Bobby Joe Longsaid a motorcycle accident made him hypersexual and eventually a serial lust killer.

Sigmund Freud says that whatever we do is due to our inner unconscious self..and our inner drives…is crime also related to this??..i ll say YES!!!

But lets take India into u think social conditions like poverty,unemployement,discrimination can lead to such psychopathic behaviour..well i would say yes to a certain extent..but even your biological insticts makes you commit a in case of clyptomania [a tendency to rob things inspite of being stable financially] ..some can control the urges but some cannot..and even certain social stigmas like dowry harrassment, male domination, child marriages, witchcraft etc etc lead to commitment of crimes..n very famous terrorism too….

while doing my thesis in degree on attachment behaviour in prisoners…i found out that some criminals really regret for their behaviour..but some are satisfied as they ve given justice to their families or acquaintances or society forsake in case of murdering another criminals….

for instance one case that really moved me was when a lady was convicted for killing her daughter in law..and both the girls s mother in law and husband were on trial…ofcourse this is a common scene in India…the lady spoke to me for few minutes and told me..’if you cant respect your family be it your own or in laws you cant succeed in life..these days girls cant control themselves..before marriage they go around with some guys and get married to someone else..spoil their name and family s too..and when they cannot adjust with the new family..they commit suicide and the whole blame goes to in laws..who are innocent..’ now i really didn’t know at that time whether to belive her or not..but yes do we as the young generation are forgetting our morals??? where is the culture taking us…or rather i would say where are we taking the culture??

There s cheating everywhere…friends betraying, abusive love relationships leading to suicides, family disputes, robbing, some stuck in forgery case..and what not..and its not only with illiterates…even highly educated people are at fault…and even kids as small as 5 years of age are committing it due to their unsolved conflicts at early developmental stages..if you take psychologically..yes it is..!!!

so again the question arises whether its their environment or their unsatisfied inner conflicts that lead to such behaviour…it is as always a NATURE V/S NURTURE debate…

ok there s so much spoken about their crimes…what about their relationships..their attachment to their families….its a heartbreaking situation to be apart from your loved ones..i ve seen them crying in prison…elderly people of age 60+ crying with no faults of their s…and what about their families??…if there was only one earning member in the family..even he is convicted..and no one to earn..its a sad sad situation..

We in degree worked for children of the prisoners, made things like purses,envelopes,paper bags and many more items from waste..sold them..and gave the entire amount to Sisters Charity who run an institution for such was the best best experience of my life….so why cant we as citizens do such things for their welfare..we do for ‘home for the aged,orphanages,cancer patients..and so many’..but even these kids and families need a future right..they cant suffer for one man s i request you to have a soft corner for such people whenever you come across them..and please dont see them as criminals..but as victims of their minds and situation that led them to commit a crime..remember even they are humans!!!

lastly I’ll conclude by saying that…always remember every acused is not a convict ..even he deserves a living!!!

Yes even am blogging !!!

•August 10, 2008 • 2 Comments

hey..oki u must be wondering why do i really want to get into the world of BLOGS…

well there are so many things wandering around in my mind..with no outlet..and sometimes my mind not only leaves completely…so here s one…i would love to jort down ma experiences,knowledge…n may be some more extra knowldege through this media😀 ….there are so many things happening in and around us..that we really need to share it social,psychological,political, or anything related to our campus..the fun there…any damn thing under the sun🙂

so why do i really want to blog??

I want to share my extra psychological i love the subject utterly..😀

I want to share ma travelling experiences to so many beautiful places in India..

I want to write about my wonderful college life is Osmania University..which I’ll never forget..which has brought a drastic change in my personality

And finally i love whats the best way to gossip and talk about anything and everything on earth  than blogs😛